the best things in life are free

 

Stupid jokes

 

How many elephants can you fit into a mini?
It depends how finely you chop them up.

Why did the chicken only cross the road halfway?
Because he wanted to visit the island.

A man goes into a record shop, and asks for some heavy metal.
The shopkeeper asks "Any particular artist?"
The man replies "Beethoven"

Why are you so dishonest when you sleep?
Because you are lying.

What is the capital of England?
E

How do curtains like to travel?
By rail.

Why do my trousers look alike?
They have the same genes.

Why did the picture go to prison?
Because it was framed.

Why did the sheet think the quilt was ignorant?
Because he liked to blanket.

What do fish have in common with the military?
They both have tanks.

What do you do with six quid?
Take them to the vet.

Why was the cat big headed?
He thought he was purr-fect.

Why did the cat put her kittens in the bin?
Because it said 'Litter here please'

Why did Hazel always laugh with the Colonal?
They were both nuts.

What do you call a cat with eight legs?
Octopus.

What do cats rest their heads on?
Caterpillars.

What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.

What do you call a deer with no ear?
D.